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The following commentary is brought to you by the letters F and Q and by the number 7...oh and by Carl. I'll dress it up shortly with some eye candy.
-Mike
Wake up generation X! It’s about time we realized that meeting people online is a viable approach to making friends. The net is full of weird and wonderful things but how do you make a connection? Most people spend well over 4 hours in front of their computer and reaching out to this community is a lot easier than you think.
Today we have numerous choices for every type of online experience possible from simple dating to matching play dates for pets. Here’s a quick guide to kick start your profile and help you become an online success.
1) Spend time on your profile.
Like anyone in life interesting people attract interesting people. Put some effort into your profile and steer clear of confusing or distracting backgrounds, fonts and images. Keep it simple but with a touch of flair…you don’t want people thinking this is your first time using a computer.
Facebook has a huge number of users and is gaining popularity like a hot cheerleader at a car wash. They’re formula for success: keep the profiles sleek and consistent. Granted you can even spice up a Facebook page with some knowledge of Cross-Site Scripting but it’s virtually impossible to screw up. MySpace on the other hand allows for uber customization which is why many profile pages look like a living room carpet after a frat party. Customization is great for you but for browsing other’s profiles, a sleeker design makes for speedier and more enjoyable browsing.
2) Choose a profile picture that best suits your personality.
Most search engines for social communities have an option to only show profiles with photos. In other words if you haven’t added your mug to your page then you are probably being left out of the Barbi twin’s search for a third. A profile photo is a must!
Don’t show pics of yourself spread eagle on the bed or cooking bacon naked. For ladies this means no to the bra and panty shot taken in the mirror. Your junk needs to be secured preferably within 2 layers of clothing. Sure this type of photo will attract attention but probably not the kind you want. Remember, your coworkers, friends and family all have access to these profile pages so if you insist at least hide it under several shots of you at Granny’s house on Thanksgiving.
Photos of scenery or pets are okay as part of a larger album but add no value to your profile if used as your only evidence of a real life. This also goes for professional shots which can send the message that you are a pompous ass or anything else that attempts to hide your true nature. A photo is worth a thousand words so make sure you pick one that can’t be summed up with one.
3) Put together a simple photo album.
For starters round up three good shots starting with a close-up headshot that can be used as part of your main profile page. For you edgy sexual deviants out there this is not the XXX headshot. A second photo should show you in a social situation with friends so people know you aren’t a loser or have any strange communicable diseases. Finally, a third pic should focus on a more serious side such as you at work, school, or on the can. Beyond this feel free to add pets, family, children, wanted posters, ads, etc.
4) Use an interesting tagline and keep it updated.
Taglines are used to sum up your mood, activities, location, etc and make for a nice conversation starter. They also keep your friends informed when you’re out of town, splitting atoms, or doing belly shots with the women's swim team. Here are some simple examples:
- Mike is playing with his Justice League collectables
- Pim is digging snow tunnels in
- Carl is passing a stone
- Francis is enjoying a piece of victory cake
- Wan is wishing he hadn’t loaned Carl $100
5) Flush out your profile.
Don’t neglect the details and personal information sections of your homepage. This is where people can see what you’re really all about. How else can you portray your social deviance without a drawn out narrative. You might want to also go here first to see a list of pompous words to avoid. A homepage typically has several sections including:
About You
This is normally the first thing people will read if you are worthy. Add things like your home town, current location, profession, hair style, body type, hat size, etc. Don’t forget to mention the type of people you’re trying to meet.
Interests
This is the part that is important for connecting to other people. I get lots of comments and emails from people who share my interest in domestic sanitation so cram them all in here. Remember, searches can be made based on keywords so if you’re looking for someone with similar interests in marbles or coloring expect to find it here. Don`t be shy and even if you did only have one lesson of Salsa stick it on there.
Books, Movies and Music
To make a real connection online you need things in common, not just mutual hatred for a cold lonely bed and the need to sow your seed. Stick to books you actually read and be wary of people that list things like The Bible or The Essential Con Man unless that floats your boat.
Miscellaneous
It’s tempting to add that stupid Star Wars video, 50 Cent’s latest track or lyrics of a song that made you cry but this falls in the distracting category and offers little insight into your personality. Instead provide some interesting affiliations like Mensa or AA or some unique observations on soi dog migrations.
Social Networking Extras
The online community is booming and users are demanding much more than a simple forum for witty observations. We have high fives, tagging, virtual kisses, pokes, communities, scrapbooks, walls, forums, groups, etc. Many of these make for an easy way to show someone you’re interested in them.
A homepage is a social resume so spend some quality time on it. Make it funny, make it serious, make it emotional, but make sure it is about you! Once you’ve mastered a profile you like you can easily extend this to new online communities and maybe even set a play date for Spot.
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