V-Day or D-Day

For many, Valentine's Day can be one of the saddest days of the year. It's bad enough single people are constantly reminded of their love's follies everyday but now with hearts and arrows everywhere like the Red Cross at an archery contest, slipping into a self loathing depression can be unbearable.

My suggestion is put down that copy of The Wedding Planner, put on some underwear, and head out to a club either solo or with an equally socially inept friend. The thing about V-Day is that any singles or same-sex groups at the bar are there for one reason only...to get laid! Now down some liquid courage and force yourself to say hello to at least 3 new people.

To lighten the mood here's a list of V-Day rhymes you can use that'll make you sound like a kick-ass cupid and help lift you out of your pathetic funk.

• I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

• I love your smile, your eyes and your giggle, Especially when it makes your breasts jiggle.

• Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

• I believe in going straight to the source, So i thought you should know...I'm hung like a horse.

• I'll give you my heart, my soul, and more, In hopes that, later, you’ll be my whore.

• This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn’t $250 a night.

• You’re a woman of style, you’re a woman of class, Especially when I’m spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

• Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I’m fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

These are even better if you can convince your friend to play some beatbox sounds in the background! Alternatively you can try the less artistic approach and stick with a classic pick-up line.

• Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

• Can I have your phone number? I seem to have lost mine.

• My lips are registered weapons.

• I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?

• I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?

• Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I'd love to tap that ass.

• Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.

• Are you wearing space pants? Cause your ass is out of this world.

• I'm not trying anything, I always put my hands there.

• If you act now, I'll do your friend for free.

• Are your parents retarded? Cuz you're special!

Good luck and a little adventure never hurt anyone. If nothing else you can tell them Mike sent you on a mission.