Know When to Get Out

I was taught long ago that finding opportunities in life is not difficult whether in sales, relationships, or jobs. However managing your time; your most precious of all assets; requires a strong ability to filter these opportunities as quickly as possible. My friends and I are often snared by some vixen, like a 10 year old watching a National Geographic documentary. Even if we can read the signs from a mile away we fail to believe them. Interestingly our first instincts are generally correct and so refusing to go with your gut feel is like running into traffic thinking you're superman.

I'm not trying to pick on the ladies here as I'm sure they have a similar perspective on men and I did cover some of this in my last post, however, this time around I'll be providing the male perspective only. There are plenty of warning signs that we've all encountered that should immediately signal when a potential relationship is heading for disaster. Here's my list of things to avoid:

1) Girls that frequent after hours clubs
First off these places reek. I guess management figures if they are illegal anyway why not turn it into a smokers heaven. Unfortunately for us non-smokers it becomes a hellish nightmare of obscured vision and burning lungs. Second, the type of guys that hang out here are not exactly the winners that Thai girls claim to be looking for. No wonder so many girls are jaded by farang men wanting one night stands. What do you expect when you are drunk like an Irishman at 4am in a fish tank of piranhas. What does this mean for the guys? Well basically it means the girls they are likely to meet are either off-duty professionals or jaded drunk crazies. Don't go to a butterfly farm and then complain about all the butterflies. Instead just avoid it; butterflies are a bit creepy anyway.

2) Girls that claim to miss you too soon
When Thai girls fall in love...they fall hard and fast. It seems that often as guys we have to prove our worth only to find that once we do the prize wasn't that great after all. The problem is once you get through the defenses you might find the mentality of a 12 year old brain-washed by years of cheesy fairy tales about high school love. Now after only a single coffee that girl that made you dispute your infidelities like Bill Clinton and the blue dress can't live without you and needs to constantly remind you by SMS every hour. I've even had a girl who dialed me as a wrong number and after repeated harassment she started to claim she missed me even though we never met nor had a real conversation.

3) Girls that smother you under the guise of love
Here....jealousy runs deep. Girls complain guys cheat. At the same time those guys are cheating with the very girls that complain. Where I come from women seem to have an unwritten rule to respect one another. Hence if a guy wants to cheat but is in a relationship already...more often than not another girl won't touch him. I'd like to point out that guys wouldn't be cheating if there was no one to cheat with. Perhaps women should look to their own and realize that loose morals run on both sides of the sexual divide. Regardless this creates a purple monster of jealousy that often girls disguise as love. Claims of wanting to spend every night together or move in can easily be interpreted as love...but that this is just a way of protecting an investment. Much like that mysterious pair of underwear or toothbrush seems to make an appearance...the girl is marking her territory.

4) Girls lacking communication skills
When I first came to Thailand I was filled with questions. As a farang I talk far too much but within a few months I had learned to curb my enthusiasm. This wasn't by choice but rather my Thai friends would get annoyed by anything reminiscent of a real conversation that wasn't about food, eating or hunger. Even after learning Thai for 4 years I have met few conversationalists that are willing to discuss more than mere gossip about colleagues and friends. Someone with some exposure to the western way of speaking one's mind and questioning life is hard to find. Normally the lack of communication skills is a side effect of Thai culture whereby independence is frowned upon. This usually means you can expect night after night at annoying Thai bars listening to poor live music drinking whisky and eating som tum. This does have it's charm to a point...but also extends itself in the form of a girl that doesn't want to try anything new.

5) Girls with no style
As a follow on to my previous point...in Thailand independence is rare. The standard Thai girl uniform is a tank top, hot pants or jeans and high heels. Good luck finding a girl willing to cut her hair short, wear flat shoes or cargo pants, listen to techno, etc. I pride myself on my style. Granted it's not for everyone but I do pay attention to trends and occasionally pick up an issue of GQ. I also am quite comfortable with my dancing skills and can easily enjoy myself on a dance floor without hiding behind a table and holding a whisky coke in my hand like a security blanket. What annoys me is when someone that has never broken away from the mold of the style-less mob or changed their style since high school approaches and comments about how I look funny. Are these people serious? Girls with style demonstrate self-esteem and confidence and a willingness to try something new. Isn't that what people want? Creativity and innovation are what drive everything in this world. Why wouldn't it make someone more appealing? Give me a girl in cargos, a hat and some All Stars any day. BTW, if you're lost at this point...do yourself a favor and burn your closet.

6) Girls who want a good job
I know this one is gonna throw you for a loop but let me explain. Throughout childhood I always dreamed of being a fireman, doctor, scientist, whatever. As unrealistic as this might have been it helped shape my goals and aspirations for the future. I always ask a girl what she wants to do in life. A farang will normally respond with something about traveling, playing in a rock band, being CEO of their company, etc. Most Thais respond with either "what do you mean?" or "I want a good job". So what exactly is a good job? Apparently it's something that pays a lot of money but could be anything from hawking to hooking. This is incredibly short-sighted and shows a lack of interest in one's own life. Instead hold out for the girl that actually has ambition and enough drive to fulfill it. For that matter just finding a girl that has dreams at all that don't involve snakes, jealous rages or ghosts is a plus.

7) Girls who are too mature for their own good
Maybe it's the Thai culture that drives some women to act like this but my experience is the 30 year old living at home and only ever having one high school sweetheart is a no fly zone. Perhaps this lack of experience and promiscuity is attractive to Thai guys. I'm not suggesting all women drop their morals and sleep around like baboons during mating season but every one of us has a limited shelf life. Normally when product starts to get old it is reduced to clear. People are no different. A 22 year old with a few boyfriends under her belt and a reasonably rosy outlook on life will be a hell of a lot more fun than that career driven 30 something that has repressed her desires almost to the point of being asexual. If you're older...lighten-up. It's ok to still be sexy and fun and play the part of a young single hottie. Motherhood will come on it's own...don't rush it.

8) Girls that troll the Internet
When I was in Canada I always thought it was a bit lame when my friends would resort to internet dating to meet girls. I've come around a bit since in moderation it does seem to open doors for some people but it's easy to over-indulge in the virtual world. Steer clear of girls with multiple profiles on social networking sites and gaggles of guys in their IM buddy lists. As guys we know exactly that these dudes are working their asses off quoting song lyrics and love poems in hopes of receiving compromising sexual photos, lining up a shag when they travel to Thailand or trying to seduce a girl into marrying them. Girls are naive about this crap...always claiming "he's really a nice guy and we are just friends". HELLO? Internet messaging has become an addiction for many and no one wants to date someone that spends 2 hours a day chatting to 50 year-old creeps living out of their parent's basements. Troll long enough to find someone and then sever the ties. Relationships aren't a trade-up program and if you're keeping a back-up roster at all times then you'll never be fully committed to a relationship.

There are plenty of more warning signs you can use to improve your filtering process. Trust your instincts. If you aren't paying attention to them then don't whine when it turns out that shy hottie is really a crazy stalker with nothing to offer you except pain and grief.

Cheers

- Mike