Principles of Love...or Lust

We've all been through it a million times and spent countless hours after an evening of shattered expectations at the bar trying to determine what went wrong. After much thought I figured maybe I should try to put down some rules that have served me well in the past. On second thought let's call them principles or guidelines. Rules imply a thorough set of actions that if followed will always result in the same outcome. Unless you're Pacman, dating isn't like that, and to say I've put as much thought into calling them rules makes me more pathetic than Keanu Reeves acting ability.

I will tell you now that I have no expert knowledge (Note: this is in reference to dating and not the rest of the world in which case I do consider myself to be extraordinarily gifted :P). Most of what I do is simply my nature and it works pretty well. Some might think I've read countless books on the topic and adopted routines into my game like the highschool coach of a girl's basketball team. In fairness I have read a few but only to gauge how my natural abilities stack up with those using a contrived set.

It would be naive for any of us to assume we had game from day one. Even the best natural sprinter has to train if they want to win an olympic medal. The same holds true with dating; just as you can't pick up an issue of GQ and become a men's fashion guru, you can't expect to find the ultimate guide to picking up. Unfortunately a lot of skill comes from trial and error and continuously fine-tuning your approach. Take criticism constructively. I get my share of rejections but rather than assume the worst I leave thinking she must be married, near-sighted or crazy. Don't get defensive and definitely don't pull turtle and hide in the corner the rest of the night. Instead use all this information to enhance the skills you do have.

In Thailand I get asked all the time if I am a playboy. I don't consider myself to be one. All my life I've been in long relationships and have been loyal and honest. Recently I am single and am enjoying life without the pressures of having a full-time mate. That's not to say I'm not looking to get to know people. I've never set out to have a one night stand and I don't intend to start. Every time I've approached a girl it was because she somehow captivated me and I wanted to know her better. Granted after one date it might become obvious she's dumb as a sack of hammers or we are simply incompatible physically or mentally, but I always enter into the transaction with good intentions.

This is what we call dating.

My opinion of a playboy is someone who purposely deceives or uses a contrived strategy to manipulate women into having sex (aka the one night stand). In monkey speak this means a guy feeds a target lies about looking for Ms Right and builds her hopes up of a future knowing full well he'll dismiss her before breakfast...or at least make her pay.

Unfortunately Thailand is full of scorned women that are all too eager to judge men...especially farang. Within 5 minutes of an introduction I am often asked the playboy question. It is no more appropriate to ask this of a guy than to ask a girl if she is a slut. And I'm pretty sure we know where that conversation would end.

That being said I strongly suggest the ladies out there refrain from using the playboy defense. Instead try using your head and if the guy starts touching your goodies within the first 10 minutes of knowing you or makes it clear you are part of a queue he has already lined up in the bar then just ignore him. Things to watch for are:

• Guys that approach without having made any eye contact first
• Guys that creepishly hang around near the door to the women's washroom
• Guys that approach from behind and start their little skank dance without an introduction
• Guys that can be seen moving from group to group like a dog in heat at a pet show
• Frenchmen
• Mike Tyson

Alternatively if the guy is polite, introduces himself to you AND your friends, waits for you to initiate any physical contact, and doesn't pressure you to extend the encounter until dawn, just take him for what he is...a decent guy.

I have a very open mind and always try to make my intentions clear. I tell every girl I am just out of 10 years of long term relationships and am happy being single. Of course I'm still interested in making friends and if the right one comes along I'm willing to enter into a more exclusive binding agreement. It's a bit like applying for a job. Let's say I really want to work for company X. Obviously if they're hiring and I apply I stand a better chance than if they're not. However, even if they aren't I can still apply. If my resume is good enough company X may opt to create a position rather than see my talent go to waste.

I know this is a long post and by now you're probably asleep so I'll save the actual principles for a future post. Until then keep sending resumes.

- Mike